Keith's funeral was yesterday. Tonight I'm sitting at his parents' table writing this, and tomorrow I'll return to Austin. Part of me is still in utter disbelief. The other part simply aches. As much as I miss Keith now, I know the upcoming days (months, years) will sharpen it. My grieving has just begun and it, I know, has not yet hit me with full force. I have lost (from this plane) my best friend, my constant partner, and the father of my children. My world has abruptly and completely changed. I realize that life will continue on and that eventually my days will be better, that at some point in this process I will wake up to something like peace, perhaps even joy... but right now, I simply can't fathom it. Things may eventually be better; nothing will ever be the same.
But if there's one thing I know with absolute certainty, it's that I'll make it through. And in a very big way, that certainty is a gift to me from you.
Last Thursday morning, when my greatest nightmare came true, after the paramedics and police swarmed down on our house, I was asked who I could call to come and be with me. The first person I called, at 6:30 in the morning, was not only a friend but a dancer. She showed up right away. Shortly thereafter, three or four more friends, also dancers, arrived. A sort of base camp was set up at a dancer's home, a home that was opened up to me until I left for Kentucky for the funeral, and throughout that day, and the next few days, more and more friends, dancers, arrived. I was in constant care. I wanted for nothing physical, I lacked no emotional support, I was never more than two feet away from a shoulder to cry on, or a babysitter, or the instantaneous fulfillment of a need. I was bombarded by requests that I eat something, taken to the doctor for something to help me sleep, sheltered from becoming overwhelmed.
Lists and charts and spreadsheets were created for everything that needed then or would eventually need to be taken care of: paperwork, insurance, arrangements, housing, packing, travel, selling the house, taking care of the kids, managing finances... all the things that come with such sudden bereavement. Teams were formed and willing individuals enlisted with tasks. What began as utter confusion soon turned into a well-oiled operation of almost military proportions.
And then, because we are the internet generation, support in every form I could have ever imagined started pouring in from all corners of the world. From dancers. My phone never stopped ringing, never stopped receiving text messages. My inbox was inundated. My facebook page nearly collapsed under the weight of wall posts and personal messages. Keith's memorial page was suddenly at 200 and then 500 and then almost 800 members. And then you all started donating funds.
Out of the woodwork, from every state, every region, and many nations, poured love. Continues to pour.
I have often tried to explain our community to other people. I have often tried to get across how we are with one another, how we are truly a community, how we are, as many in numbers as we are, a family. I never felt they understood, and how could they? What I have realized over the course of the last week is that not even I truly understood the extent of it.
I am in awe of all of you. I have no words to describe the sheer magnitude of love I have encountered; the sharing of grief and also of wonderful memories, the selflessness and generosity, the instant willingness to help in any way.
My sister, who flew into Austin with my niece as soon as she heard, is every bit as overwhelmed as I am. As soon as she was picked up from the airport, she was instantly enveloped in this family. She was cared for as I was-- thoroughly and without question. She gets it now, the things I had always told her about my little corner of the world, about my dance community.
You are what the word community means. You are the concept defined.
Please take every single next word at face value and know that I mean it with every fiber of my being: I could not have gotten through this last week intact without you.
In times like these, one turns to family. And my personal family (my parents, sister, niece, extended family, Keith's parents and his siblings and relatives) have been there for me every step of the way. They've been grieving too but have upheld me constantly. But I didn't know just how much family I had until this week. You are not just fellow members of my subculture, not simply friends and acquaintances, not just like-minded people: you are my family, too. And my God... what an amazing family I have. What an amazing family my family has!
If any of you ever questions the goodness and kindness in humanity, if you ever doubt that real love exists, if you ever wonder if anyone will be there for you, I want you to look at what has happened this week. I want you to remember what you have done for me and mine. I want you to take it in, soak it up. I want you to take a look around at your dance community; your family.
To each and every one of you who have helped me, hugged me, prayed for me.... sent me a phone call or a message or good thoughts... donated to Keith's memorial, made sure my immediate needs were met, treated me to a kindness.... brought me a drink, took care of my beautiful children, helped plan for our future... reached out to my family, sent me flowers, posted a memory or a picture or your condolences online... had a moment of silence, shed a tear, shared a moment with a friend talking about Keith... came to the funeral, wished you were there, thought of us yesterday... plan to come to the Austin memorial, to dance and drink and live life in honor of Keith... offered us a place to stay, offered your help in any way you could, offered a sincere regret... thank you. I am more grateful than you will ever know. Your love is the most comforting blanket in the world and the one I wrap myself up in every night.
You are the most beautiful and amazing people on this earth. I am blessed to inhabit a small corner of your world. Thank you for being my family, and for letting me be yours. May I someday ever even begin to repay your kindnesses to me.
Originally posted Wednesday, August 11, 2010 (2 years ago)
Thanks for sharing this beautiful message with us. It's heartening that in such dark times that people are rallying around you and your family to express care for you in so many ways.
Originally posted Wednesday, August 11, 2010 (2 years ago)
Summer-
Your letter just made me cry again. You're absolutely right about our community. I didn't know Keith other than on Yehoodi, and you and I have never met in person, but you both have been in my thoughts daily since I heard about your loss. I will continue to pray for you and your daughters and all of Keith's friends and family as you deal with your grief, and I'm so proud to be a part of this community right now.
Originally posted Wednesday, August 11, 2010 (2 years ago)
Edited on Wednesday, August 11, 2010 11:43 pm (2 years ago)
That was a great message. I haven't met you but my thots are still w/you and any kind of warmth I can send thru the air. You will be alright when you are alright.
Originally posted Wednesday, August 11, 2010 (2 years ago)
To be articulate and grateful at a time when no one on earth would fault you for being incoherent and full of rage, to reach out to communicate with us when we all would forgive your being self-absorbed, to count your blessings when you might understandably feel cheated ... these are the hallmarks of a gracious and uniquely worthy soul who deserves everything you have been receiving and will receive from your extended family.
I salute and respect your message, and have taken it to heart.
<
p>I know we are not close friends, but I'm certain of this: You are strong. You are a survivor. You have earned this support and affection thanks to your own personality, kindness and generosity. You've been paying in to the Bank of Karma long enough -- it's time to take a big withdrawal. :)
Originally posted Thursday, August 12, 2010 (2 years ago)
What a beautiful message, Summer. I have not experienced your devastation, but I too have witnessed/experienced how this dance community has shown themselves to be my family when my world has fallen apart. And I too know how hard it is to explain it to others. Your eloquence is exquisite (mindblowing, given your circumstances), and if you don't mind, I'm going to use your note to show others how amazing our community is.
<
p>You've said it all ... and you WILL get through this. But never will you or your personal family be alone. Lean on us, ask if there's something you need that we haven't anticipated. And seconding what Amy said, there's no repayment needed for the kindnesses being show you ... it's time for you to get back some of the goodness you've always given. Strength and peace to you, and your loved ones.
"Change your thoughts, and you change your world" - Norman Vincent Peale.
Originally posted Thursday, August 12, 2010 (2 years ago)
What a beautiful letter, and I am in awe of your strength. I don't think I have ever met you in person, but I heard about you (and your awesomeness) for years from Keith and mutual friends.
<
p>I have been holding Keith, you, and your family in the light. And thank you for reminding me of the amazing community we have.
follow my adventures at www.AppalachianToAlpine.blogspot.com!
Originally posted Thursday, August 12, 2010 (2 years ago)
Summer, anytime I've every had the pleasure of seeing you, you've always had a presence about, one of life and joy. With everything you have going on for you right now, you still find the time and the presence of being to spread life and joy. You're an amazing person. Thank you for the amazing letter and for who you are.
Originally posted Thursday, August 12, 2010 (2 years ago)
My deepest condolences. I recall from our correspondence on this site that you are a person of deep faith. I hope that helps you get through this.
I'm also happy to hear that the people in your dance family have rallied around you, spread the word, and done everything they can to make you feel taken care of and loved.
That's what we are when we are at our best.
Thank you so much for telling your story and reminding all of us what we can be.
<
p>Take care.
"A revolution without dancing is a revolution not worth having" - V
p>Summer, your soul epitomizes beauty and grace. My heart aches for you and your family's loss; at the same time I'm overwhelmed by the strength of your spirit. Keith's light has only gotten brighter for everyone that he has touched.
Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?
Originally posted Friday, August 13, 2010 (2 years ago)
aww..what Rik said...
further to that...you and I don't know each other at all, but I too have had you, Keith, and the girls in my thoughts moment by moment and day by day since the stunning announcment. Thank you for your words, and yes, we're all with you in various ways...and we're so proud of you and your strength and grace. Carry on...we are by your side...
<
p>xx Heidi
This music is not too fast; you're just too damn slow.
Originally posted Saturday, August 14, 2010 (2 years ago)
Summer,
The fact that you clearly see how blessed you are, even amidst such grief, is a testament to you. And to love. Especially yours for Keith and his for you. And it's a great lesson for us all.
You and I don't really know each other, though we've certainly been at some of the same events. And my knowledge of Keith is sadly, mostly limited to what he sent me about himself when I was preparing to write about him in last year's Blues Blaze blog. I can tell you what you already know: he wanted to be known first and foremost as your husband and father of your beautiful children.
And now, after reading your glorious, generous letter...I cannot imagine anyone I would feel more privileged to get to know better.
I, too, have learned, through tragedy, that your 'family' can be anyone. That your family is who you make it; your family is your friends. THANK you for reminding us. And for thinking of us at a time when you needn't.
<
p> You and yours remain in my prayers. God speed. And love,
Originally posted Sunday, August 15, 2010 (2 years ago)
Thank you for these words, so beautifully spoken. How amazing that out of inconceivably deep pain can come such love and gratitude for what one does have. Thank you for taking the time and summoning the strength to share it.
<
p>Summer, it is you who is an inspiration and an example of all that is good in this community.
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Open Letter to the Dance Community
8/ 10/ 10
Keith's funeral was yesterday. Tonight I'm sitting at his parents' table writing this, and tomorrow I'll return to Austin. Part of me is still in utter disbelief. The other part simply aches. As much as I miss Keith now, I know the upcoming days (months, years) will sharpen it. My grieving has just begun and it, I know, has not yet hit me with full force. I have lost (from this plane) my best friend, my constant partner, and the father of my children. My world has abruptly and completely changed. I realize that life will continue on and that eventually my days will be better, that at some point in this process I will wake up to something like peace, perhaps even joy... but right now, I simply can't fathom it. Things may eventually be better; nothing will ever be the same.
But if there's one thing I know with absolute certainty, it's that I'll make it through. And in a very big way, that certainty is a gift to me from you.
Last Thursday morning, when my greatest nightmare came true, after the paramedics and police swarmed down on our house, I was asked who I could call to come and be with me. The first person I called, at 6:30 in the morning, was not only a friend but a dancer. She showed up right away. Shortly thereafter, three or four more friends, also dancers, arrived. A sort of base camp was set up at a dancer's home, a home that was opened up to me until I left for Kentucky for the funeral, and throughout that day, and the next few days, more and more friends, dancers, arrived. I was in constant care. I wanted for nothing physical, I lacked no emotional support, I was never more than two feet away from a shoulder to cry on, or a babysitter, or the instantaneous fulfillment of a need. I was bombarded by requests that I eat something, taken to the doctor for something to help me sleep, sheltered from becoming overwhelmed.
Lists and charts and spreadsheets were created for everything that needed then or would eventually need to be taken care of: paperwork, insurance, arrangements, housing, packing, travel, selling the house, taking care of the kids, managing finances... all the things that come with such sudden bereavement. Teams were formed and willing individuals enlisted with tasks. What began as utter confusion soon turned into a well-oiled operation of almost military proportions.
And then, because we are the internet generation, support in every form I could have ever imagined started pouring in from all corners of the world. From dancers. My phone never stopped ringing, never stopped receiving text messages. My inbox was inundated. My facebook page nearly collapsed under the weight of wall posts and personal messages. Keith's memorial page was suddenly at 200 and then 500 and then almost 800 members. And then you all started donating funds.
Out of the woodwork, from every state, every region, and many nations, poured love. Continues to pour.
I have often tried to explain our community to other people. I have often tried to get across how we are with one another, how we are truly a community, how we are, as many in numbers as we are, a family. I never felt they understood, and how could they? What I have realized over the course of the last week is that not even I truly understood the extent of it.
I am in awe of all of you. I have no words to describe the sheer magnitude of love I have encountered; the sharing of grief and also of wonderful memories, the selflessness and generosity, the instant willingness to help in any way.
My sister, who flew into Austin with my niece as soon as she heard, is every bit as overwhelmed as I am. As soon as she was picked up from the airport, she was instantly enveloped in this family. She was cared for as I was-- thoroughly and without question. She gets it now, the things I had always told her about my little corner of the world, about my dance community.
You are what the word community means. You are the concept defined.
Please take every single next word at face value and know that I mean it with every fiber of my being: I could not have gotten through this last week intact without you.
In times like these, one turns to family. And my personal family (my parents, sister, niece, extended family, Keith's parents and his siblings and relatives) have been there for me every step of the way. They've been grieving too but have upheld me constantly. But I didn't know just how much family I had until this week. You are not just fellow members of my subculture, not simply friends and acquaintances, not just like-minded people: you are my family, too. And my God... what an amazing family I have. What an amazing family my family has!
If any of you ever questions the goodness and kindness in humanity, if you ever doubt that real love exists, if you ever wonder if anyone will be there for you, I want you to look at what has happened this week. I want you to remember what you have done for me and mine. I want you to take it in, soak it up. I want you to take a look around at your dance community; your family.
To each and every one of you who have helped me, hugged me, prayed for me.... sent me a phone call or a message or good thoughts... donated to Keith's memorial, made sure my immediate needs were met, treated me to a kindness.... brought me a drink, took care of my beautiful children, helped plan for our future... reached out to my family, sent me flowers, posted a memory or a picture or your condolences online... had a moment of silence, shed a tear, shared a moment with a friend talking about Keith... came to the funeral, wished you were there, thought of us yesterday... plan to come to the Austin memorial, to dance and drink and live life in honor of Keith... offered us a place to stay, offered your help in any way you could, offered a sincere regret... thank you. I am more grateful than you will ever know. Your love is the most comforting blanket in the world and the one I wrap myself up in every night.
You are the most beautiful and amazing people on this earth. I am blessed to inhabit a small corner of your world. Thank you for being my family, and for letting me be yours. May I someday ever even begin to repay your kindnesses to me.
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(19 items total, 30 per page)
Thanks for sharing this beautiful message with us. It's heartening that in such dark times that people are rallying around you and your family to express care for you in so many ways.
<
p>Holding you and the kids in the light.
Why It Took Me 13 Years to Learn the Big Apple • My hiphop crew Freeplay performing at the Dance-a-Rama (video).
Words escape me. This is a truly touching message.
The physics is theoretical, but the fun is real!
Summer-
Your letter just made me cry again. You're absolutely right about our community. I didn't know Keith other than on Yehoodi, and you and I have never met in person, but you both have been in my thoughts daily since I heard about your loss. I will continue to pray for you and your daughters and all of Keith's friends and family as you deal with your grief, and I'm so proud to be a part of this community right now.
<
p>-Jodie
That was beautiful. Thank you for that message, Summer.
Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
Never have I read a more beautiful letter by a more caring and loving person.
That was a great message. I haven't met you but my thots are still w/you and any kind of warmth I can send thru the air. You will be alright when you are alright.
Hugs to you and yours
<
p>Asher
My deepest condolences....
To be articulate and grateful at a time when no one on earth would fault you for being incoherent and full of rage, to reach out to communicate with us when we all would forgive your being self-absorbed, to count your blessings when you might understandably feel cheated ... these are the hallmarks of a gracious and uniquely worthy soul who deserves everything you have been receiving and will receive from your extended family.
I salute and respect your message, and have taken it to heart.
<
p>I know we are not close friends, but I'm certain of this: You are strong. You are a survivor. You have earned this support and affection thanks to your own personality, kindness and generosity. You've been paying in to the Bank of Karma long enough -- it's time to take a big withdrawal. :)
All my love.
What a beautiful message, Summer. I have not experienced your devastation, but I too have witnessed/experienced how this dance community has shown themselves to be my family when my world has fallen apart. And I too know how hard it is to explain it to others. Your eloquence is exquisite (mindblowing, given your circumstances), and if you don't mind, I'm going to use your note to show others how amazing our community is.
<
p>You've said it all ... and you WILL get through this. But never will you or your personal family be alone. Lean on us, ask if there's something you need that we haven't anticipated. And seconding what Amy said, there's no repayment needed for the kindnesses being show you ... it's time for you to get back some of the goodness you've always given. Strength and peace to you, and your loved ones.
"Change your thoughts, and you change your world" - Norman Vincent Peale.
What a beautiful letter, and I am in awe of your strength. I don't think I have ever met you in person, but I heard about you (and your awesomeness) for years from Keith and mutual friends.
<
p>I have been holding Keith, you, and your family in the light. And thank you for reminding me of the amazing community we have.
follow my adventures at www.AppalachianToAlpine.blogspot.com!
Read it again, teared up again.
Why It Took Me 13 Years to Learn the Big Apple • My hiphop crew Freeplay performing at the Dance-a-Rama (video).
Summer, anytime I've every had the pleasure of seeing you, you've always had a presence about, one of life and joy. With everything you have going on for you right now, you still find the time and the presence of being to spread life and joy. You're an amazing person. Thank you for the amazing letter and for who you are.
My deepest condolences. I recall from our correspondence on this site that you are a person of deep faith. I hope that helps you get through this.
I'm also happy to hear that the people in your dance family have rallied around you, spread the word, and done everything they can to make you feel taken care of and loved.
That's what we are when we are at our best.
Thank you so much for telling your story and reminding all of us what we can be.
<
p>Take care.
"A revolution without dancing is a revolution not worth having" - V
Every time.
<
p>Summer, your soul epitomizes beauty and grace. My heart aches for you and your family's loss; at the same time I'm overwhelmed by the strength of your spirit. Keith's light has only gotten brighter for everyone that he has touched.
Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?
Keith was a tribute to the dance community as a DJ and event organizer. Condolences to Summer and her kids.
<
p>R.I.P.
aww..what Rik said...
further to that...you and I don't know each other at all, but I too have had you, Keith, and the girls in my thoughts moment by moment and day by day since the stunning announcment. Thank you for your words, and yes, we're all with you in various ways...and we're so proud of you and your strength and grace. Carry on...we are by your side...
<
p>xx Heidi
This music is not too fast; you're just too damn slow.
Summer,
The fact that you clearly see how blessed you are, even amidst such grief, is a testament to you. And to love. Especially yours for Keith and his for you. And it's a great lesson for us all.
You and I don't really know each other, though we've certainly been at some of the same events. And my knowledge of Keith is sadly, mostly limited to what he sent me about himself when I was preparing to write about him in last year's Blues Blaze blog. I can tell you what you already know: he wanted to be known first and foremost as your husband and father of your beautiful children.
And now, after reading your glorious, generous letter...I cannot imagine anyone I would feel more privileged to get to know better.
I, too, have learned, through tragedy, that your 'family' can be anyone. That your family is who you make it; your family is your friends. THANK you for reminding us. And for thinking of us at a time when you needn't.
<
p> You and yours remain in my prayers. God speed. And love,
Thank you for these words, so beautifully spoken. How amazing that out of inconceivably deep pain can come such love and gratitude for what one does have. Thank you for taking the time and summoning the strength to share it.
<
p>Summer, it is you who is an inspiration and an example of all that is good in this community.
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